So Very Greatful

I am greatful for every day that I am blessed to breathe and try again. I am blessed with a wonderful Father and loving God. I am greatful for my home, my friends, my heart - I never knew that it could be so open to love. I am greatful for the power of love and the willingness and determination to listen to myself and to consider the advice of others. It has been a long time coming on that one. I am thankful for family, friends and good neighbors. I am greatful for knowledge and wisdom, peace and harmony. I am greatful. I am greatful for a healthy body and a developing spirit and soul. I am greatful for my car. I am greatful for the ability to give and to share. I am so very greatful. Amen and thank you God. Amen.

Greatful 14

This is one of the best ideas that I have had, writing down daily what I am greatful for, so wonderful. So here goes again.

I am greatful for love and the drive to get what I need and want. I am greatful for my new interest in my health and my life. I am greatful that I have good health. I am greatful for my smile and my thoughts. I am greatful that I no longer feel like I have to try and fit in. I am greatful for brand new days and new beginnings. I am greatful for God and family, friends and good neighbors. I am greatful for a great and wonderful new future. I am greatful for the favor of God that I have with people, situations, everything!!! I am greatful for good music and an optimistic spirit. I am greatful for my new genuine dedication to ME!! I am greatful for the ability to keep my eyes on the prize. I am greatful that I do not feel the need to fit in but a responsibility to be myself. I am greatful for learning about love and myself, the willingness to still be available for love. I am greatful for good books, good coffee, good food and a new healthy attitude toward food, myself, my life, other people, new situations. I am greatful for school and the new opportunities that await me. I am so very greatful. I am greatful for beginning to find my new groove, my new life and getting comfortable in my purpose. I do not have to force it anymore. It is what it is. I am greatful for that. Thank you God.

Thinking about my niece, Alison

I watched my fam over the holiday season. We are quite and interesting mix. LOL. Well I will tell you about my niece.

My niece is a beautiful, dark skinned, teenage girl. We hear her laugh and joke and kid around throughout the entire house. She will come and sit under you and talk telling all of her business. And I mean ALL of it. She has no qualms about telling you anything. I think that this is an endearing quality, and frankly I want her to be comfy telling me stuff so that I can kinda guide her around some of the ruff stuff, feel me? She showed me some lil' ugly boy that she think is cute. More on that in another post. I mean, I was not too mean about the guy cause when I look at some of what I thought was cute... OMG. WT* was I thinking, I do not know. LOL.
Moving along.

She began to tell me about one of her friends. It seems that unlike US who wants to know where are the kids, who are the parents, who hang around those folks etc. her friends mom is a bit too ummm..... relaxed in a nice word. Non attentive is the real word. The young girl called my niece o at my parents home one evening crying and screaming saying that she was raped. Horrible right? My sister,mom and dad went to see about the girl (I was not at my parents house that wkd). My niece was devastated, of course. See the young girls mother was not home. She was at work at night, so we were all under the impression that the brother was sleep and the girl was threatened not to scream and was raped. NOT. My parents even went to the girls grandparents house and told them that the girl needed them because she was raped. Of course the grandparents are too distraught and getting over there to see about her. OK. Ummm. The girl lied. She was sleeping around and her brother caught some lil' boy in the room with her. Come to find out the little girl sleeps with a lot of boys in the apt. complex. Shame. She gets no attention from any of her family folk and went outside to find her self some kind of pleasure. I am praying for the child. I hope her mom talks to her about AIDS and gets her some birth control Q.U.I.C.K.

Well, my niece told the lil' girl that she would come outside and talk to her from now on, she could not come in her grandparents house. Now hold on, cause at first I was like, why she made a mistake, but my niece contends "she might lie on my grandparents or brothers and I would HATE to have to kick her ass, but I will Auntie if she lied and say they raped her or something, I would have to kick her Ass." I could not do anything but sit there with my mouth open and then cry laughing. She IS flesh of our flesh, and that part came straight out, no chaser. Do NOT play with my fam. I will come see about you, trust. Moving on. Then she went ahead and said, "she can't come around me in my house anyway (it is the family house, ya know!), have these boys thinking I am going to give it up. No. I am not. Go do what you are suppose to in the bed by yourself boy. I ain't giving you nothing. NOTHING!" She is 16 as of this Dec. 1st and I tell ya, that made me so proud. She is the one deciding, she asks questions and we (my sis and I cause my mom is real old skool) tell her the truth. We tell her the most important thing and that is that she should decide the when, where, how and why of her first time, not the boy. We also tell her that most boys at her age (a) do not know what they are doing (b) might make her hate the idea of sex (c) the first time should be with someone you really care about/love (d) don't believe the movie hype - if he don't know what he is doing the only thing you want it to be is OVER quickly esp. the first time (e) HIV/AIDS and other horrible STD's will take your life or make your existence difficult (f) sex does not make you a woman and nor does having a child (g) conciously and intelligently making the decision with a clean heart, mind and being ready to accept the consequences of having sex (kids, etc.) now that makes her "Her own Woman" Nothing but some Truth.

That is my girl, I tell you. I pray for my beautiful niece. She is so vulnerable right now to life and peer pressure. Luckily right now, we (fam) are heavier than peer pressure cause she don't want to see us come and see about her either. Trust. I am glad that she listens, ask and more importantly thinks for herself. All the attitude and everything else I will ignore, I just want her to be "Her own Woman", to decide for herself, look and life and make good solid decisions for herself, honor and respect herself and God. That above all else is what I want for her.

Greatful 13

I am greatful today for life and breath. I am greatful for hope and truth. I am greatful for good friends, family and a wonderful life. I am greatful for the ability to keep growing, I am greatful for the love I ahve in my heart. I am greatful for the ability to live grow and be. I am greatful that God is with me at all times. I am greatful that I grace, mercy and divine favor are always with me. I am greatful that I am keeping God first, I am greatful. I am greatful for my home and my neighbors, my community and my city. I am greatful. I am thankful. I am. I am greatful fo the gift of life. Everyday, I am greatful for good health and growing awareness of who and what I am, what my limits are and more importantly what they are not. I keep moving forward, and I am greatful for that. I am greatful for the opportunity to keep letting go and walking on. I wish everyone the very best. I am so very greatful.

Greatful 12

I am greatful that I am becoming more secure in who I am and where I am going. I am greatful that I am blessed with air, and life, family and friends. I am greatful for good health, a good life, a wonderful home, great neighbors and an awesome soon to be realized future. I am greatful that I am no longer desperate for anothers' validation of who I am, where I am going etc.. I am greatful that I remember that I choose, and by keeping my eyes on God I choose what is best for me. I am greatful for forgiveness, repentance andGod's mercy and grace. I am greatful for humility. I am greatful that in every situation I have God and I have me. I am greatful for a discerning heart and spirit, and the ability to look more critically at situations and life and distinguish between the demands and wants of man and the simple, life giving, nourishing, word and wisdom of God. I am greatful for keeping that spirit of having no fear of letting things, situations and relationships go. I know that I am being changed and that though the change may be painful at times, it is all GOOD cause everything that happens in my life works out (Thank you God!!) for my GOOD. I know that God will always be there, He will/ He has send/t friends and others to keep me standing and moving on, moving forward, I am truly greatful for this fact. I trust God, in his Majesty, His Wonder, His Power, His Love and I am greatful that I have that beyond and above all else. I am greatful that I understand that the only standard that I have to live up to are God's and the ones that work for me and my life. I am greatful that I have the blessing to stop, get on track, turn around, make a u-turn if necessary and it is all due to God's mercy and grace. Thank you for all of these things and those things that I did not mention Father. Amen.

Everyone have a great and wonderful Thanksgiving. Remember, this is the time to truly be greatful for all of your blessings. Take a critical look at what you think you have lost. Is it truly a loss? Perhaps with a more critical eye, you will see the gain or the release. As one who use to believe that she had to have certain folks and certain things and do things in a certain way to be accepted, to be happy, to be "free" and have learned over the last several months that the only thing I had to have was God and myself, let me tell you, sis to sis or bruh, umm, NOT!! IF God is doing a shake up in your life, keep your eyes on your paper honey, let it go, let it go, let it be rearranged and walk into that thing, into your new life. Sing about it as soon as you stop mouringing over what you lost. Despite what some would have you believe, mourning is natural and God does not get mad at that. Don't stay in the mourning though!! When it is over, MOVE FORWARD!! Joy, trust me when I say this, JOY does come in the morning. You have a new and honest peace in your life, a sincere and honest peace cause it is not dependent upon any other players. It is all with God and You. Hallelujah. Thank you God.

To All~
I pray that all who read this are blessed in their spirit, that they are financially blessed, that they have the Peace of God upon them and they are blessed by uncompromising favor in every area of their life and that they walk and live in the Joy of the Lord. Amen.

Kita

Greatful 11

I am greatful for peace of mind, getting active, breath, air and God. I am greatful for the opportunity to learn to love myself. I am greatful for the opportunity to love someone else, for the creation new friends, new job/financial opportunities. I am greatful for favor, and hope, prayers and dreams. I am greatful for my home. I am greatful for good neighbors, a quiet evening. I am thankful for balance in my life, for priorities being set right. I am greatful for good music. I am greatful for my present job, my car, the new Jetta or Passatt that Iwill get next year. I am greatful for life.

Taking chances

I am really into protecting myself. Since I can remember, I have protected my heart. You, get close to me? It must mean that on some level I trust you. Until I know you, trust ain't happening. Once you show me that you cannot be trusted with my feelings, can't tell the truth, are abusive, try to invalidate me, see ya! I mentally put up a block. I know it is bad, but it is also the truth. I will cut you off. I will examine it later and then I will contact you so that we can talk. If what you did was disrespectful (without a doubt you KNEW that what you did could get your ass kicked!) you can forget it. A convo is not going down, I do not want you for a friend or in my realm of associates, period.

I have decided that it is time for me to take some chances with my heart. Why? Well, I want to be loved. I want to love someone back. That is all. I am suppose to love someone and join with them for life. This time, I will share my heart with a person who is showing me by deeds and words that they want the same thing back. I am doing the I will wait and see thing and then I will share back. Frankly, I feel it is better to get the guy to share with you first. Be yourself, be grown, be sexy, be friendly, be silly, but because I can be very emotional I am holding back a little bit. Just a little bit.

I can get into like/friendship quickly, and I am one of those loyal friends. I will look pass your shortcomings for years, and they can be major. I looked pass one of my using folk friends for years. She used this guy, I mean, knew he was interested and would use him up. Now, that ain't cool. I pro'lly would have looked to the left if this was for a short time period, but heck, this went on for YEARS. The worst of it was, she knew it was wrong, but she would not stop, then she would pick at him, try to embarass him in front of fam(his!) and her friends. Yeah he was a nerd and desperate, but NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. I told her after the first few months, if you are the stronger one and you know this is wrong it is your duty to leave him alone. It was like a parent watching their 18 year old son busting their 12 year old son in the chest with all of their might. It was wrong and unmatched, worse off, again, she knew it. She would belittle him and try to shame and break his spirit when they talked on the phone. I left that friendship cause I started to get the feeling that on a level she treated all her friends in this manner. And trust, that is what she did. Kick bricks chick. Enjoy my rendition of Dr. Seuss ya'll!!

Because I had to gain patience and ignore things at such a young age in order to get through a day (one day I will intro you to my crazy fam, but today ain't gonna happen!!) I love folks and live like this. Now I will come and stomp you out when I have had enough, but please do not work on my nerves to get me to that point. I am beyond tired of you then, I want to hurt you. I want to hurt you badly.

Back on topic. I am taking a chance to get to know and love someone, despite my fears. Despite the challenges. And yes, there are challenges in moving along with this person. I am not sure if we can overcome them, but I am praying about it.

Kita, taking a chance. Whoooo. Life is getting a lot more interesting ya'll.

Know where you live.....

I am looking at all of the discussion about the guy ... I don't even know what the actor's name is, all I know is that he played Kramer on the Seinfeld show. I am reading this and responding to the reports and then it occurs to me... some of us have forgotten where we live.

I live in the South, hailing from ATL in GA. I was born here. Racism never left the South. Uncle Tom's did not die. I was born here, in one of the racist states in America. I cannot and will not forget that racist and opportunist (which comes in all colors, even my own!) do exist. You learn to live with it. You learn when to raise heck and when to go beserk. You learn when to let that slide, let it go. You also learn how to keep your eyes open, know where they live, who they are and how to handle it when it arrives at your door step. I prefer my racism in the open, thank you. That way I know what, who and how to look out for it. I expect it, and am pleasantly surprised when it does not raise its ugly head. I have convos with folks of different races, cultures and religious beliefs and clear up misconceptions and get some of mine cleared up to. Admittedly, I have some preconceived ideas about certain folks, but the willingness to learn, get knowledge and to be open to their truth, history etc. puts a lot of stuff to rest for me. But I have lived with racist attitudes and ideologies since I hit the planet. As a dark skinned young child in the first grade, I dealt with it from a teacher, Mrs. Wyatt a light skinned woman, who consistently attempted to break my spirit and to have me classified as slow. My Kindergarten teacher took her to the principal's office, along with my folks and showed that I was reading on a 2nd grade level in the kindergarten and had the comprehension on that level as well. I was introduced to the self hate black folks have towards each other EARLY.

Due to these experiences, I love my country, my state, my city and my people YET I know where I live. Racism did not die, it transformed itself into something more dangerous and insidious. It tries to hide in the corners but those of us who have lived with it and acknowledge its presence all of our lives know where to look and what it looks like despite its attempts to hide in the shadows.

Rant alert-

I know that capitalism, though good in many ways, hurt us in others and spread racism. I know that the reason a lot of poor white folks have issues with us is due to capitalism. Why do the plantation and business owners need you when slaves can do this job, once completely paid for, for free? No wages, no increases, no benefits. I know, and I look and I pity them in a way, cause they got played as we got used. But they STILL do not realize that they got played. Sad. It happened when the Irish came, the Latinos are currently going through it. If they are getting low pay, not enough to live on, having to work two and a half jobs, what does that say about my country? What does it say about our countries values, what we honor and really uphold? It is always from the bottom to the top ya'll, and since black were in this country at the bottom for so long, no I cannot ignore the bottom nor the racism that lies there.

I know, racism in all its forms exist. So does classism. I do not need to see it so blatantly placed out there. However, perhaps some do. I know where I live ya'll. I do not come to southern cities expecting it to leave cause thy are HOT right now. I know what and where racism is. I know where I LIVE. I Live in America. Perhaps you know this place too.....

Greatful 10

It is the week of Thanksgiving, and I am so very greatful for so much. I am greatful for life, and breath and air, and hope and joy. I am greatful for good friends, and the burgeoning love and acceptace of self as well as he beginning stages of do excellent for ME that is going on. I am greatful for family and home, good neighbors, good food. I am greatful for family and friends, an open mind and heart. I am greatful and happy about how my life is going and that I am where I am. I am greatful that the hunt for the hubby has stopped, not because I am engaged, involved etc., but because I understand that it is time for me to be available to love and take care of myself and value myself. I understand that a man who I want to be with will love and honor that about me, and will be attracted to that in me as well. I am greatful for my relationship with God and how it is beginning to be MY relationship with HIM, not what everyone else says it should be. I am greatful, because I am learning to be patient, learning to accept who and what I am about. I am learning to love me. I don't believe, He brought me this far to leave me. I am greatful for that. Amen.

Greatful 9

I am greatful for breath, air, life, light, and the ability to appreciate it. I am greatful for an inquisitive mind and the willingness to look for the truth. I am greatful for being able to let people go, for walking on, I am greatful for smiles and happiness. I am greatful for a God that does not get upset when I question or when I struggle. I am thankful for a God that I am getting closer to because I want to know why and how and about practices. I am thankful for my home, my friends, my self. I am greatful that I am in good health and getting better. I am greatful for rest and for hope. I am greatful for my faith in God. I am thankful and greatful for all that I have and am experiencing. I am glad, greatful, honored and appreciative of God's love, concern, protection and His loving attention that He puts in me and the world. I am greatful for my family and my siblings. I am greatful for my imagination and my heart. I am greatful that my name is what it is. Thank you God, such a beautiful gift, I am greatful that I can hear God speaking to me, That I can hear Him say "Beloved, do you know how much I love you?" I am greatful for that love and in awe of it. Praise God and amen.

Religion - a bit of a rant

I am gonna step on a few toes, and I am sorry if offend but it must be said. The God I know lives with all of us. He loves all of us. The God I know...

I just got this e-mail from a friend who is putting Oprah on blast. Oprah believes that there is more than one way to God. I am wrestling with her take on that. I am wrestling because the Jews and being Jewish, who Christians do not study, learn about etc. are what our religion is historically based upon, and Jesus was born in a Jewish world. Yet we do not understand their doctrine, what they are for or against, and more importantly where and why we disagree. Those who do not know their past are DOOMED to repeat it.

There is no dialogue between the two communities, and I am not vexed, I want to know why, how, and what do they believe. I am not afraid of another's culture or faith, and I think in our fevor to say Jesus is the way, we do not stop and respect, ponder and learn about the basics of Jesus faith, life, and why he took the stands He took, what does he truly represent and do for us as Christians. To me Jesus is the Word. However, it does not invalidate what others believed centuries before I or Jesus (the Word flesh) arrived, nor does it circumvent the special relationship that God has with Jews and Jewish custom, beliefs and religious practices. I am beginning to look into this because I want to know God. Jesus is the Word, so He is definitely God, but I want to know so I better understand. Without knowledge I cannot gain wisdom and I wish to be wise and knowledgable about what, how and why I do and live my life.

I want to know what the people of the faith of Islam think and why. They too are under the arm of Abraham and they too believe the bible. They beleive that Jesus was born by a virgin birth, they believe it all (to my knowledge, still learning!) except for the Jesus is the Son of God. They see no reason to believe in that at all. They see no reason for God to sacrifice Himself (Jesus is the Word) for our sins. They do not understand the need for a Holy Spirit, in all things God is God. I am still learning about their religion and their practices, and I am truly appreciative of some of the things that they do and some things that they don't and why. I believe that it is important, as a daughter under a religion that is also from the line of Abraham to understand, appreciate this religion. I want to know about Muhammad and why was he summarily dismissed from the Jewish and Christian tradition.

I refuse to walk in fear and to be afraid. I truly expect that getting to know about these two seperate faiths which by the way we share some of the same ideas, beliefs and customs with will effectively strengthen my faith in God. I am not about dogmas or religion, and though I believe that Jesus is the way, I also understand that in the end, He too is God. God is the way. I do not believe in polytheism, there is nothing seperate about Jesus, the Holy Spirit and God, so therefore it does not offend me when people say that there is only one God. When asked why I have faith in Jesus I look at them and point out the miracles, the whirlwind that walked in front of the Jews in Exodus, who or what was that? The voice that the different prophets heard from why does God need to speak, why does God do anything, the time He was merciful on Job's behalf toward Job's so called friends, why then, the burning bush why that? If man is made in God's image, then ... The questions would go on and on with no answer, except of course my book, how can man have a soul, a spirit and be made in God's image but God not have a Holy Spirit? Why would God need to do that, why kill all the priest of the pagans, why knock down the walls of Jericho with a booming sound, why build anything to hold Him in or honor Him in, why build a mosque, a church a place of worship to Him? Why when God is everywhere and He owns everything, why does He need those things? It was not for God, it was for us. God is majestic and perfect and wonderful and Holy, and El Shaddai and the list could go on and on. I think it was all done for our sake. I would then present the idea that it is my belief that God came in human manifestation to bring His Word down to let us know that He is real, and yes He understands our pains, strains and in it all He was sinless and had victory over death because God is all and for Him, DEATH DOES NOT EXIST, not for Him. He carried the message of life, righteousness, His majesty, how to live, how to be and it goes on, and on, and on. He is the way of living and loving and caring and doing. He is the way.

I guess what I am saying is that, instead of getting in an uproar about what is being said, why don't you learn why the others believe as they do. Try reading the letter's Paul sent to the church, why don't you follow the Christianity that is set out in those books of the bible about how to treat pagans and other religions. Learn, lose your fear and learn and understand and agree to disagree and respect and love anyway. Get some humility and take that log out of your own eye first. I have no problems with taking it out of mine. Learning does not scare me, God does! In his book, the Bible He told us how to live and sent a perfect example of how to do it, but He did not expect perfection from me, and ..... I just want to know God. If that frightens your sensibilities then check yourself, if your faith is not solid and can be shaken by anothers faith instead of strengthened, check yourself and your faith.

Greatful 8

I am greatful for an inquisitive mind, I am gretful for having a healthy body, good friends, food, breath, life, moving limbs, a giving and wonderful heart, God, my folks and other fam. I am greatful for joy and prayer and a good life. I am greatful for the blooming relationship with my new wonderful friend, and laughter, joy, and smiles. I am greatful that I am learning to love and appreciate God and myself. I am greatful for my clean and quiet neieghborhood. For all of these things, I am so very greatful. Thank you God. Amen.

Greatful 7

I am greatful for breath and air, general good health, hope and dreams. I am greatful for new friends, and new opportunities and a great job and new job offers. I am greatful for my home, and my car, my clothing, new wadrobe, better health and figure. I am greatful for all of the wonderful things in life that I've been granted and the wonderful things that are to come. I am greatful for optimism and hope and angels that protect and watch over me. I am greatful for the watchful eye and love of God and I am greatful for being honest with myself, honest with my heart and coming to a place of peace. I am greatful that fear is being banished from my spirit, banished from my life and that I will have the courage to walk boldly into my future and into my fresh new day. I am greatful that favor and blessing fall on me like fresh dew, that peace is my friend and that my heart is as it is. I am greatful for every friend and associate that I have had, and all those that are too come. I am greatful and full of hope and life and love. Thank you God. I am greatful that in the end, You God are in control, not man, not me. Amen.

Back to God

I have always gone against conformity. Every time I think/thought about someone trying to make or influence me to do something I rebel. My rebellion often does not make much sense. It would seem that conformity would make my life easier, I would fit in, folks would see me as being just like them. I really like the idea of being like everyone else and fitting in sometimes. At the same time, I do not like conformity. I do not like trying to fit in, killing off my spirit, my ideas and my soul. However to a certain degree conformity is necessary for every day social life. Which is why I do not mind bucking the system. I do not go to church, I do not do other things until frankly I feel like it. I believed, and sometimes do believe that conforming takes away the power to think for yourself and look at situations and information, traditions etc with a critical eye. I never thought about what God would want me to be like. I never thought about how I reconcile these feelings with what what God states that I must do. I forgot to obey what God says I must do.

I have decided that I must began to obey again. I must remember how to seperate wht God says from what man states. I can obey, I can support the pastor, I can support eh church, I can be there for others and that will not take away from me. I can still love myself and take care of myself and it will not take away from God and God will not walk away from me just because I take care of other folks. God is the only one who can fill the empty place in my soul, is the only being that can successfully feed my spirit and I need Him like I need air to breathe. I cannot do this life by myself. The trinity is my abundant supply, fulfills my every need, and takes not of my wants and fulfills my every desire if I allow Him to. He keeps me in the present, forgives me of my sins, holds me up, and reminds me of who He is, what He can do. I am free of would have, could have and should have if I follow His rules.

My friend in her own way this is pro'lly what she meant to infer with her behavior and everything. I simply did not appreciate what she was doing because it came off as a need to control a desire to control and to correct, not to simply be an example. However, I am reminded that the final decision is on me. It is on me to do the things that I need to do for my life. I must pray, I must obey, I must decide, I must follow. I am sad to see that friendship get tested and found wanting, at the same time I realize that there is a reason for everything.

What my Soul wants

I remember what my heart says it wants. I remember what my soul, spirit and heart wants and needs and I am taking those things to God. From the man I want to be a blessing in my life, to the life I want to live, to the living on purpose, I know what I am asking God to bless me with. I am not a beggar standing in line waiting for someone to grant me my wish. I know what I asked God for, and one way or another, in my lifetime I will have these things. Don't get me wrong, most of this stuff is not even materialistic. Most of this stuff is about my spirit and my heart, my living and how I love. I do not beat drums in vain, my cry and my deepest desires are heard by the Most High. I am moving to the rhythm of life that courses through my spirit and in my soul. It is reaching my feet now, finally slowly coming out.

Later tonite, I will write out my wishes, my desires for next year. I will say my prayers and put my written out detailed dreams into my Bible on a promise in that Bible and then I will start moving forward towards my goal. How will I do this, supernaturally, with much favor, and moving my butt when told. I always get more from God than what I asked for anyway, and it is always all good.

Nobody told me, the road was gonna be easy, but I don't believe God brought me this far to leave me.

Living, loving and moving forward into my life with a smile, a song, joy and hope. It is called faith ya'll!!

You be good now, and I will try to. What? You did not think I would promise to be good did you? *smh* LOL

Kita

Greatful 6

I am greatful that I am aware and I am growing. I am grateful to have a real connect with God and that I am blessed every day with an opportunity to get Wisdom, knowledge, love, hope, blessings etc. from God on an every day basis. I am grateful that I have no fear of looking into the past, facing it, making my peace with it and MOVING ON. I am greatful that my muscles are killing me (walked down 27 flights of steps!!) but I know that I can do this. I can be healthy and even though I am overweight, I am not that out of shape. I had to stop once due to bad ankles and foot issues, other than that I am OK. I am greatful that I am beginning to love and take care of myself again. God is here with me. I am greatful that God always shows up and walks with me, talks with me, lifts me up and remind me who I am in His plans and continues to surprise me with favor and love each and every day. I am so very greatful that God is God and unlike man, comes with no hidden agendas, just a whole lot of love, compassion, care, discipline and forgiveness. I am greatful for the content, joy filled, full and blessed new life that awaits me. Thank you God, I am so greatful.

100th blog/ Greatful

It has been great. 100 blogs. Yeah. Ok, that is ovah.

On to other things. I am greatful.
I am greatful for my home, my great neighborhood, and peace and quiet. I am greatful for good friends. I am greatful for a full life. I am greatful for a buoyed spirit. I am greatful for my job and my car. I am greatful for joy, hope, love and wisdom. I am greatful for family. I am greatful for God. Amen.

Feelings...

As a child, it was nothing for my parents and my siblings to pick at me (berate me) for feeling. Yep. I cried, I screamed at you, my facial expressions told you loads about how I felt. Over the years, the only feelings I could express without being humiliated was anger or a mask of I could care less. Whatever. My mom always told me that she did that stuff, picked at me etc. so that I would become stronger. Frankly, my mom, my folks and my fam were wrong. To feel is not a bad thing folks, and all those people who ciriticize themselves for being sensitive or wearing their heart on their sleeves, check out all the folks who pretend that they do not have one. Smiling now?
I think most folks care more than they want to admit, cause admitting you really do give a damn shows that there is some vulnerability there. I mean, look at all of the claims now that if ANY man shows emotion, unless it is about death, they are immediately called gay. They look to happy, smiling, not looking like they are bored with life or trying to rob you, oh, they must be GAY.
I never thought about it before but asking a person to pretend they do not feel, or not feel, not be hurt etc. is abusive, and pro'lly creates sociopaths etc. After a while, trust you do not have to fake it, you do not care and you do not feel a damn thing. After a while I would cuss you out, not care. I would tell my folks and anybody else for that matter that whatever their problem is take it elsewhere cause it ain't my issue. I did not care if you were hurt, if I was callus etc. Yeah I carried a chip on my shoulder, it was more like a boulder and I could care less if it fell and smashed you too. I decided then that all costs I would protect and see about myself and my feelings. The funny thing is that all these folks that did this cruel stuff to make me stronger began to complain about my apparent *attitude problem*. To be honest there was a lot of stuff going on in my life, but I do not open up wounds, even when they are not my own. I know that there is a lot of anger and hurt going on in my fam. The surprising thing is, I can also see it happening in others as I read their blog. I turned to food. Not sex, not drugs, not drink, hell with that. Food was readily available, I liked it and in large part it did me no harm. That is until I start driving, and got a better job which really equates to me sitting on my ass. LOL.
What I am trying to say is, people put up a front every day due to their circumstances, some of the circumstances are just everyday issues, some are a hell of a lot more serious. We all carry our scars, the bad thing is that we ask each other to keep those scars hidden from each other. A person cannot just "be". Those scars we pass on to our children and further hurt ourselves with and bring into relationships. I am working on healing my scars ya'll. I do not mind letting you know where they are (if I am aware), and sometimes I gotta use a little peroxide or a little alcohol to clean up the puss because my heart has been seriously infected, or my psyche has (no little white jacket or room needed at present).
It is nice to know that I can put them out here for folks to see, and that I can reach out and remind someone else, hey, I got that one too, I got over that one too, and so will you. You will be OK. That is what testimonies are for really to let a person know that with God, with faith, with forward movement, and sometimes just standing still, you will be ok.
In the end, like it or not, we are interconnected. Let the writing continue, even if what you write is garbage, even if I don't like it, I don't do attacking. Most likely all of us have been attacked enough. Frankly, I do not need addtional enemies and I dont go looking for them either. I will say my peace, mean what I say and get the heck on. Life is too short, and if you don't agree with my point of view, well then, move on Dumb Bunny. It is not like I invited you here.

PS- I had someone ask me why do I say dumb bunny. Dumb bunnies are cute but they are rather stupid as well and just multiply, and multiply regardless of food or space. they have beautiful fur though, on the plus side ;) In other words they are stupid. I do not like stupid people and I try not to say stupid a lot like I used to. So, I use the words dumb bunny. Tomorrow I might use blind eyed lemming, but right now dumb bunny is cool with me. If you don't agree with me, do you really think it will change my opinion? You keep thinking on that, I. Gotta. Go.

Kita