Feelings...

As a child, it was nothing for my parents and my siblings to pick at me (berate me) for feeling. Yep. I cried, I screamed at you, my facial expressions told you loads about how I felt. Over the years, the only feelings I could express without being humiliated was anger or a mask of I could care less. Whatever. My mom always told me that she did that stuff, picked at me etc. so that I would become stronger. Frankly, my mom, my folks and my fam were wrong. To feel is not a bad thing folks, and all those people who ciriticize themselves for being sensitive or wearing their heart on their sleeves, check out all the folks who pretend that they do not have one. Smiling now?
I think most folks care more than they want to admit, cause admitting you really do give a damn shows that there is some vulnerability there. I mean, look at all of the claims now that if ANY man shows emotion, unless it is about death, they are immediately called gay. They look to happy, smiling, not looking like they are bored with life or trying to rob you, oh, they must be GAY.
I never thought about it before but asking a person to pretend they do not feel, or not feel, not be hurt etc. is abusive, and pro'lly creates sociopaths etc. After a while, trust you do not have to fake it, you do not care and you do not feel a damn thing. After a while I would cuss you out, not care. I would tell my folks and anybody else for that matter that whatever their problem is take it elsewhere cause it ain't my issue. I did not care if you were hurt, if I was callus etc. Yeah I carried a chip on my shoulder, it was more like a boulder and I could care less if it fell and smashed you too. I decided then that all costs I would protect and see about myself and my feelings. The funny thing is that all these folks that did this cruel stuff to make me stronger began to complain about my apparent *attitude problem*. To be honest there was a lot of stuff going on in my life, but I do not open up wounds, even when they are not my own. I know that there is a lot of anger and hurt going on in my fam. The surprising thing is, I can also see it happening in others as I read their blog. I turned to food. Not sex, not drugs, not drink, hell with that. Food was readily available, I liked it and in large part it did me no harm. That is until I start driving, and got a better job which really equates to me sitting on my ass. LOL.
What I am trying to say is, people put up a front every day due to their circumstances, some of the circumstances are just everyday issues, some are a hell of a lot more serious. We all carry our scars, the bad thing is that we ask each other to keep those scars hidden from each other. A person cannot just "be". Those scars we pass on to our children and further hurt ourselves with and bring into relationships. I am working on healing my scars ya'll. I do not mind letting you know where they are (if I am aware), and sometimes I gotta use a little peroxide or a little alcohol to clean up the puss because my heart has been seriously infected, or my psyche has (no little white jacket or room needed at present).
It is nice to know that I can put them out here for folks to see, and that I can reach out and remind someone else, hey, I got that one too, I got over that one too, and so will you. You will be OK. That is what testimonies are for really to let a person know that with God, with faith, with forward movement, and sometimes just standing still, you will be ok.
In the end, like it or not, we are interconnected. Let the writing continue, even if what you write is garbage, even if I don't like it, I don't do attacking. Most likely all of us have been attacked enough. Frankly, I do not need addtional enemies and I dont go looking for them either. I will say my peace, mean what I say and get the heck on. Life is too short, and if you don't agree with my point of view, well then, move on Dumb Bunny. It is not like I invited you here.

PS- I had someone ask me why do I say dumb bunny. Dumb bunnies are cute but they are rather stupid as well and just multiply, and multiply regardless of food or space. they have beautiful fur though, on the plus side ;) In other words they are stupid. I do not like stupid people and I try not to say stupid a lot like I used to. So, I use the words dumb bunny. Tomorrow I might use blind eyed lemming, but right now dumb bunny is cool with me. If you don't agree with me, do you really think it will change my opinion? You keep thinking on that, I. Gotta. Go.

Kita