To the "Good Guys"

I responded to a guy who wrote about his "Good Guy Syndrome" in Essence, and I figured this is a good post for all of the "Good Guys" . Please heed.

1.) Listen to what she tells you and spot the drama. If she is telling you that there is ridiculous amounts of drama going on and it is not all from the guy ie. he is stalking her or harassing her on some level, take heed. For instance, if everything that is wrong with her and her baby daddy is HIS fault, check the drama line. A relationship takes two, she is choosing how she deals with him too.

2.) Watch what she does. She should try to keep her word. She should be considerate of you. She should express how she feels when she feels comfortable with you (after date 4). Does she offer to pick up the bill, to pay the tip to meet you and treat you to coffee etc. Is she selfish? Watch what she does. It is the same thing I have learned to do with guys, do it with the women you meet.

3.) Is she comfortable talking about her family relationships or is it full of crazy drama? Is that drama brought on by a family that has serious issues, if so, check your girl. Look for those tendencies. Is she going from relationship to relationship with little than 2-3 months in between? Is she taking time to examine what is going on with her, her heart, her life etc. and to make adjustments in what she desires or what she wants or what she did wrong? Her willingness to do self examination is an important thing for you to note. Her willingness to take care of herself and her emotions is very important for you to note. It cuts down on drama in the relationship.

4.) Take the rose colored glasses off. You cannot fix somebody. You are not Neo. You are a good man who is looking for a good woman. Someone with issues, yeah, but someone who is willing to grow. Look for a woman who can laugh at herself and does some type of introspection. Look for a woman who when she sees she is the issue she works or looks for positive ways to change or work on it herself. You are not Superman, you are a super man to be with though. Feel me?

5.) Listen to see if she tells you about a guy she sent on his way, or even who she finds attractive and listen to why. Yeah, it is hard to do, but you need to know if she is materialistic, is she a user, is she a groupie, is she an attention whore, is drama her best friend. You need to know. Make sure you take the time to know. Date other women, or go out with your female friends. Converse with the ones that you trust about how the dates have gone and what you guys discussed. Get a females point of view of what/ how things are going.

6.) Check your list of mate requirements. Make sure you do not have something on that list that is attracting someone you do not really want. For instance, a lot of guys have "She needs me" on her list. I suggest that you change the language. Maybe "She wants me to be an important, intelligent, loving and caring man in her life". That means that she wants you there so she is willing to do the work to maintain the relationship.

Good Luck Guys in finding the woman that will make you a wonderful wife. A friend of mine had to tell me these things about men, so I hope these suggestions works for you too.