Getting to a "10"
I keep thinking about how my life is going now. I kinda feel like it is at a 6. Frankly I do not like it much. I do believe in potential, but bump potential, I want to know how do I get to the real thing and I want to pursue it and still enjoy life where I am too.
A "10" life is attainable, it just is not perfect and you cannot get there if you do not love yourself and want yourself where you are.
This is my quest to get my life to that "10". Not a fantasy ya'll, or what anyone else wants but what I genuinely want. I am having an Oprah moment, because I want an authentic life too. LOL.
An authentic life for me will allow me to live the life that I want. I am not one who wants a life with a lot of bling but no substance. I want some bling now, yeah, but I want something more tangible and real than that. I think one of the issues I am having is placing the precipice of my life at getting married and having a kid. Ummm. To be honest, I do not know why I keep doing that. I have witnessed first hand the strain and the hurt and the constant compromise of marriage and being a mother. It is hard emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, social, work. It is work. I want this, but not at the expense of myself. I do not wish to sacrifice myself until there is no me left. With this in mind, I am putting marriage high on my list, but not the ultimate prize. Letting myself fully be me - creative, emotional, loud, efficient, diva-ish, down to earth, bubbly, quiet, thoughtful, crass, blunt - all of me and loving every facet of it is a life that I love is the goal. No more trying to fit in boxes that others and I, because I accepted their bull, created.
I enjoy my family and assisting with the raising of my neices and nephews. I enjoy getting to help and to assist someone in a real way and accepting/ loving them where they are. This pull for a family of my own with lil' folk who have mine and my hubby's charateristics is genuine, real and YES I still want this for myself. It is not the ultimate goal though. Being true to myself and loving the life I live, that is the ultimate goal. Nothing is wrong with wanting something more, but it is good, wonderful and enlightening to love you and enjoy you, be content with you and your life where you are too.
Hon, I am a natural motivator, it IS who I am. I give that freely to everyone I come in contact with, but not myself. I am hard on myself, and if I do not get the response I want from that I punish me. Yep, I binge. No shame about it, just something I am readily admitting. You cannot fix what you refuse to see or acknowledge. I know that an attitude change in this regard is definitely a part of getting to that life that is a "10" for moi.
So I will list on this blog some of the things I must face, accept and change about me to get me to the "10" life I want. After acknowledging this stuff I will love myself to that change. You read correctly. I will love myself into that change, so there will be a lot more spiritual, soul searching,
crying, struggling, accepting, acknowledging and admitting stuff on this site. If you cannot deal with that, ummm, go away. Dumb bunny. This is for me, my needs and yeah, that is kind of selfish. My preliminary list will pro'lly be up soon. Maybe even later today.
OK now. Scram. I have some thinking to do.
Later,
Kita
A "10" life is attainable, it just is not perfect and you cannot get there if you do not love yourself and want yourself where you are.
This is my quest to get my life to that "10". Not a fantasy ya'll, or what anyone else wants but what I genuinely want. I am having an Oprah moment, because I want an authentic life too. LOL.
An authentic life for me will allow me to live the life that I want. I am not one who wants a life with a lot of bling but no substance. I want some bling now, yeah, but I want something more tangible and real than that. I think one of the issues I am having is placing the precipice of my life at getting married and having a kid. Ummm. To be honest, I do not know why I keep doing that. I have witnessed first hand the strain and the hurt and the constant compromise of marriage and being a mother. It is hard emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, social, work. It is work. I want this, but not at the expense of myself. I do not wish to sacrifice myself until there is no me left. With this in mind, I am putting marriage high on my list, but not the ultimate prize. Letting myself fully be me - creative, emotional, loud, efficient, diva-ish, down to earth, bubbly, quiet, thoughtful, crass, blunt - all of me and loving every facet of it is a life that I love is the goal. No more trying to fit in boxes that others and I, because I accepted their bull, created.
I enjoy my family and assisting with the raising of my neices and nephews. I enjoy getting to help and to assist someone in a real way and accepting/ loving them where they are. This pull for a family of my own with lil' folk who have mine and my hubby's charateristics is genuine, real and YES I still want this for myself. It is not the ultimate goal though. Being true to myself and loving the life I live, that is the ultimate goal. Nothing is wrong with wanting something more, but it is good, wonderful and enlightening to love you and enjoy you, be content with you and your life where you are too.
Hon, I am a natural motivator, it IS who I am. I give that freely to everyone I come in contact with, but not myself. I am hard on myself, and if I do not get the response I want from that I punish me. Yep, I binge. No shame about it, just something I am readily admitting. You cannot fix what you refuse to see or acknowledge. I know that an attitude change in this regard is definitely a part of getting to that life that is a "10" for moi.
So I will list on this blog some of the things I must face, accept and change about me to get me to the "10" life I want. After acknowledging this stuff I will love myself to that change. You read correctly. I will love myself into that change, so there will be a lot more spiritual, soul searching,
crying, struggling, accepting, acknowledging and admitting stuff on this site. If you cannot deal with that, ummm, go away. Dumb bunny. This is for me, my needs and yeah, that is kind of selfish. My preliminary list will pro'lly be up soon. Maybe even later today.
OK now. Scram. I have some thinking to do.
Later,
Kita
posted by Enigma | 7:10 AM
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