Taking chances
I am really into protecting myself. Since I can remember, I have protected my heart. You, get close to me? It must mean that on some level I trust you. Until I know you, trust ain't happening. Once you show me that you cannot be trusted with my feelings, can't tell the truth, are abusive, try to invalidate me, see ya! I mentally put up a block. I know it is bad, but it is also the truth. I will cut you off. I will examine it later and then I will contact you so that we can talk. If what you did was disrespectful (without a doubt you KNEW that what you did could get your ass kicked!) you can forget it. A convo is not going down, I do not want you for a friend or in my realm of associates, period.
I have decided that it is time for me to take some chances with my heart. Why? Well, I want to be loved. I want to love someone back. That is all. I am suppose to love someone and join with them for life. This time, I will share my heart with a person who is showing me by deeds and words that they want the same thing back. I am doing the I will wait and see thing and then I will share back. Frankly, I feel it is better to get the guy to share with you first. Be yourself, be grown, be sexy, be friendly, be silly, but because I can be very emotional I am holding back a little bit. Just a little bit.
I can get into like/friendship quickly, and I am one of those loyal friends. I will look pass your shortcomings for years, and they can be major. I looked pass one of my using folk friends for years. She used this guy, I mean, knew he was interested and would use him up. Now, that ain't cool. I pro'lly would have looked to the left if this was for a short time period, but heck, this went on for YEARS. The worst of it was, she knew it was wrong, but she would not stop, then she would pick at him, try to embarass him in front of fam(his!) and her friends. Yeah he was a nerd and desperate, but NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. I told her after the first few months, if you are the stronger one and you know this is wrong it is your duty to leave him alone. It was like a parent watching their 18 year old son busting their 12 year old son in the chest with all of their might. It was wrong and unmatched, worse off, again, she knew it. She would belittle him and try to shame and break his spirit when they talked on the phone. I left that friendship cause I started to get the feeling that on a level she treated all her friends in this manner. And trust, that is what she did. Kick bricks chick. Enjoy my rendition of Dr. Seuss ya'll!!
Because I had to gain patience and ignore things at such a young age in order to get through a day (one day I will intro you to my crazy fam, but today ain't gonna happen!!) I love folks and live like this. Now I will come and stomp you out when I have had enough, but please do not work on my nerves to get me to that point. I am beyond tired of you then, I want to hurt you. I want to hurt you badly.
Back on topic. I am taking a chance to get to know and love someone, despite my fears. Despite the challenges. And yes, there are challenges in moving along with this person. I am not sure if we can overcome them, but I am praying about it.
Kita, taking a chance. Whoooo. Life is getting a lot more interesting ya'll.
I have decided that it is time for me to take some chances with my heart. Why? Well, I want to be loved. I want to love someone back. That is all. I am suppose to love someone and join with them for life. This time, I will share my heart with a person who is showing me by deeds and words that they want the same thing back. I am doing the I will wait and see thing and then I will share back. Frankly, I feel it is better to get the guy to share with you first. Be yourself, be grown, be sexy, be friendly, be silly, but because I can be very emotional I am holding back a little bit. Just a little bit.
I can get into like/friendship quickly, and I am one of those loyal friends. I will look pass your shortcomings for years, and they can be major. I looked pass one of my using folk friends for years. She used this guy, I mean, knew he was interested and would use him up. Now, that ain't cool. I pro'lly would have looked to the left if this was for a short time period, but heck, this went on for YEARS. The worst of it was, she knew it was wrong, but she would not stop, then she would pick at him, try to embarass him in front of fam(his!) and her friends. Yeah he was a nerd and desperate, but NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. I told her after the first few months, if you are the stronger one and you know this is wrong it is your duty to leave him alone. It was like a parent watching their 18 year old son busting their 12 year old son in the chest with all of their might. It was wrong and unmatched, worse off, again, she knew it. She would belittle him and try to shame and break his spirit when they talked on the phone. I left that friendship cause I started to get the feeling that on a level she treated all her friends in this manner. And trust, that is what she did. Kick bricks chick. Enjoy my rendition of Dr. Seuss ya'll!!
Because I had to gain patience and ignore things at such a young age in order to get through a day (one day I will intro you to my crazy fam, but today ain't gonna happen!!) I love folks and live like this. Now I will come and stomp you out when I have had enough, but please do not work on my nerves to get me to that point. I am beyond tired of you then, I want to hurt you. I want to hurt you badly.
Back on topic. I am taking a chance to get to know and love someone, despite my fears. Despite the challenges. And yes, there are challenges in moving along with this person. I am not sure if we can overcome them, but I am praying about it.
Kita, taking a chance. Whoooo. Life is getting a lot more interesting ya'll.
posted by Enigma | 11:02 AM
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