Back to God

I have always gone against conformity. Every time I think/thought about someone trying to make or influence me to do something I rebel. My rebellion often does not make much sense. It would seem that conformity would make my life easier, I would fit in, folks would see me as being just like them. I really like the idea of being like everyone else and fitting in sometimes. At the same time, I do not like conformity. I do not like trying to fit in, killing off my spirit, my ideas and my soul. However to a certain degree conformity is necessary for every day social life. Which is why I do not mind bucking the system. I do not go to church, I do not do other things until frankly I feel like it. I believed, and sometimes do believe that conforming takes away the power to think for yourself and look at situations and information, traditions etc with a critical eye. I never thought about what God would want me to be like. I never thought about how I reconcile these feelings with what what God states that I must do. I forgot to obey what God says I must do.

I have decided that I must began to obey again. I must remember how to seperate wht God says from what man states. I can obey, I can support the pastor, I can support eh church, I can be there for others and that will not take away from me. I can still love myself and take care of myself and it will not take away from God and God will not walk away from me just because I take care of other folks. God is the only one who can fill the empty place in my soul, is the only being that can successfully feed my spirit and I need Him like I need air to breathe. I cannot do this life by myself. The trinity is my abundant supply, fulfills my every need, and takes not of my wants and fulfills my every desire if I allow Him to. He keeps me in the present, forgives me of my sins, holds me up, and reminds me of who He is, what He can do. I am free of would have, could have and should have if I follow His rules.

My friend in her own way this is pro'lly what she meant to infer with her behavior and everything. I simply did not appreciate what she was doing because it came off as a need to control a desire to control and to correct, not to simply be an example. However, I am reminded that the final decision is on me. It is on me to do the things that I need to do for my life. I must pray, I must obey, I must decide, I must follow. I am sad to see that friendship get tested and found wanting, at the same time I realize that there is a reason for everything.