Story/ Truth
This is kinda about me with some stuff changed around. Enjoy!
She kicked open the door lugging her bag and her purse. Cursing as she made her way to the alarm system, she noted that her phone was also ringing. Great. Turning off the alarm she turned, locked her front door , reset her alarm and placed her bag and purse in one of the leather barstool assigned to her bar. Somebody really did not get that today she was not in the mood for the BS, the talking, the crapping, the whatever. Not today. The drive through Midtown Atlanta was enough. Listening to a griping last minute wanting a miracle attorney throughout the day laid the solid foundation of her craptastic day. She needed a moment of pure beautiful silence. Just a moment to relieve her mind of the nonsense, the anger, the frustration of her day. Thank you God, she thought. The phone has stopped ringing and peace reigns again at last. She trudged, feet dragging across the kitchen linoleum to the refrigerator. Grabbing a slice of cheesecake and placing it unceremoniously on a plate, she thought about how truly sick of everything she was. She was sick of everything and everyone. They could all either kick bricks or crash and burn. Whichever they decided, just do the damn thing and get the hell on. Her job, her family, so called friends, and neighbors all needed to leave her alone. Being nice was way past the word over. Kicking her shoes across the carpeted floor and walking in stocking feet to her comfy beige chair and ottoman she finished her choice of a quick snack and stress reliever. Immediately feeling guilty that she ate the calorie packed yet oh so delicious strawberry cheesecake she sighed. Dammit. Seems like every time I get over the hump some mf puts me right back there. After reminding herself that placing blame will get her no where, she flicked on the tv. Thank God for remote controls. Then. The. Damn. Phone. Rang. Again.
Answering the phone politely but clearly putting out a vibe of what in the hell do you want, she soon sat shocked. The guy who she let in her home, left her with bills up the whazoo, that fool had the nerve to call her. That fool who left his clothes at her modest townhome, took her car and did not even have the decency to return it to her, the idiot whose on mother told her she was too kind to when she dropped the clothes off at her home, HIM. This fool called her home, disrupting her peace. This fool on one of the most craptastic days she had. Great. He began talking with a montage of excuses, speaking rapidly, occassionally stuttering, stopping and trying desperately to get a reaction from her. It was clear that what her good friend told her, after the fact mind you, that home was pro'lly a working drug addict due to his continually losing his wallet was true. This was not the man that she let into her home. This was not the man that went out of his way to help her, to love her, who held her. This was not the man who did these things. This was a drug addict. Standing up and attempting to remain calm, she asked him was he ok. Still expressing concern for someone who did her so wrong, she thought for a minute maybe she was a weak person. The quiet began to hit her nerve. He got quiet, then his voice cracked. Apologies for all he put her through, apologies for how he left poured through the wire. Sitting down, with her mouth wide open in awe of the call, the message and the apologies she waited patiently for him to be quiet and began to tell him the truth. "I forgave you when you left, I forgave you when I gave your mom your things, I forgave you as I got my car that you would not return to me , I forgave you as I moved into my parents home so that I could pay the mortgage and keep my townhome, I forgave you as a good friend of mine moved in to help me keep my home. I forgave you. I know that what you did you will get back, or unfortunately the daughter you have will get it back because of you. I forgave you. I have struggled but I was not crushed. I forgave you for being a crack head and I presently forgive you cause you must be high or straight stupid to call me. I forgave you and left you alone. Now I struggle to forgive myself and try to love another again, let them in my heart again. I forgive you, and I hope for you sake that is enough for you. Now, MF please get off of my phone. It has been a shitty day and I have patiently waited for you to finish your apology. Now that it is done what was between us is finish. Kick bricks bitch. Have a good day." She slammed the phone down once finish. Sat and looked at the phone like maybe it was a snake waiting to strike her again with unexpected, unnecessary crap. Breathing deeply to calm herself down, she again walked into the kitchen. She decided to have a tall glass of water. She decided to burn his SSN that he left in her home. She decided to pray. More importantly she realized that this was not about him it was about her. She got released today just a little bit. The monkey was beginning to climb off of her back, the one that told her continuously to be nice, that she should be glad anyone took notice of her cause she was a big girl, the one that told her that yes she was everyones rug or scapegoat when they had a bad day. No more overeating today, no more letting others be in control of her reactions. She decided to enjoy her day, love herself and get into doing the things that lifted her up. The gym was waiting for her tomorrow, 5 am came early and her size 22 was gonna shrink slowly but surely to a size 16, she was going to taking care of herself. Smiling, she pulled out the chicken that she baked yesterday along with the squash, green beans and corn bread. Regardless of how the day went, she was moving on, moving forward and though she gave in to the need for instant gratification, she was ok, she was ok. Thank you God, she thought as she put a low flame under the pots and began walking up the stairs to her room. Tears fell freely down her face. She was getting back to HER. She really had no idea of how many more things she was going to have to let go, she was going to face. She was aware it was all just beginning, but she was not angry anymore. She knew that whatever came, with her, God, her family, friends and yeah, crazy neighbors she would be ok. Life, and she, would move forward to bigger and better things.
She kicked open the door lugging her bag and her purse. Cursing as she made her way to the alarm system, she noted that her phone was also ringing. Great. Turning off the alarm she turned, locked her front door , reset her alarm and placed her bag and purse in one of the leather barstool assigned to her bar. Somebody really did not get that today she was not in the mood for the BS, the talking, the crapping, the whatever. Not today. The drive through Midtown Atlanta was enough. Listening to a griping last minute wanting a miracle attorney throughout the day laid the solid foundation of her craptastic day. She needed a moment of pure beautiful silence. Just a moment to relieve her mind of the nonsense, the anger, the frustration of her day. Thank you God, she thought. The phone has stopped ringing and peace reigns again at last. She trudged, feet dragging across the kitchen linoleum to the refrigerator. Grabbing a slice of cheesecake and placing it unceremoniously on a plate, she thought about how truly sick of everything she was. She was sick of everything and everyone. They could all either kick bricks or crash and burn. Whichever they decided, just do the damn thing and get the hell on. Her job, her family, so called friends, and neighbors all needed to leave her alone. Being nice was way past the word over. Kicking her shoes across the carpeted floor and walking in stocking feet to her comfy beige chair and ottoman she finished her choice of a quick snack and stress reliever. Immediately feeling guilty that she ate the calorie packed yet oh so delicious strawberry cheesecake she sighed. Dammit. Seems like every time I get over the hump some mf puts me right back there. After reminding herself that placing blame will get her no where, she flicked on the tv. Thank God for remote controls. Then. The. Damn. Phone. Rang. Again.
Answering the phone politely but clearly putting out a vibe of what in the hell do you want, she soon sat shocked. The guy who she let in her home, left her with bills up the whazoo, that fool had the nerve to call her. That fool who left his clothes at her modest townhome, took her car and did not even have the decency to return it to her, the idiot whose on mother told her she was too kind to when she dropped the clothes off at her home, HIM. This fool called her home, disrupting her peace. This fool on one of the most craptastic days she had. Great. He began talking with a montage of excuses, speaking rapidly, occassionally stuttering, stopping and trying desperately to get a reaction from her. It was clear that what her good friend told her, after the fact mind you, that home was pro'lly a working drug addict due to his continually losing his wallet was true. This was not the man that she let into her home. This was not the man that went out of his way to help her, to love her, who held her. This was not the man who did these things. This was a drug addict. Standing up and attempting to remain calm, she asked him was he ok. Still expressing concern for someone who did her so wrong, she thought for a minute maybe she was a weak person. The quiet began to hit her nerve. He got quiet, then his voice cracked. Apologies for all he put her through, apologies for how he left poured through the wire. Sitting down, with her mouth wide open in awe of the call, the message and the apologies she waited patiently for him to be quiet and began to tell him the truth. "I forgave you when you left, I forgave you when I gave your mom your things, I forgave you as I got my car that you would not return to me , I forgave you as I moved into my parents home so that I could pay the mortgage and keep my townhome, I forgave you as a good friend of mine moved in to help me keep my home. I forgave you. I know that what you did you will get back, or unfortunately the daughter you have will get it back because of you. I forgave you. I have struggled but I was not crushed. I forgave you for being a crack head and I presently forgive you cause you must be high or straight stupid to call me. I forgave you and left you alone. Now I struggle to forgive myself and try to love another again, let them in my heart again. I forgive you, and I hope for you sake that is enough for you. Now, MF please get off of my phone. It has been a shitty day and I have patiently waited for you to finish your apology. Now that it is done what was between us is finish. Kick bricks bitch. Have a good day." She slammed the phone down once finish. Sat and looked at the phone like maybe it was a snake waiting to strike her again with unexpected, unnecessary crap. Breathing deeply to calm herself down, she again walked into the kitchen. She decided to have a tall glass of water. She decided to burn his SSN that he left in her home. She decided to pray. More importantly she realized that this was not about him it was about her. She got released today just a little bit. The monkey was beginning to climb off of her back, the one that told her continuously to be nice, that she should be glad anyone took notice of her cause she was a big girl, the one that told her that yes she was everyones rug or scapegoat when they had a bad day. No more overeating today, no more letting others be in control of her reactions. She decided to enjoy her day, love herself and get into doing the things that lifted her up. The gym was waiting for her tomorrow, 5 am came early and her size 22 was gonna shrink slowly but surely to a size 16, she was going to taking care of herself. Smiling, she pulled out the chicken that she baked yesterday along with the squash, green beans and corn bread. Regardless of how the day went, she was moving on, moving forward and though she gave in to the need for instant gratification, she was ok, she was ok. Thank you God, she thought as she put a low flame under the pots and began walking up the stairs to her room. Tears fell freely down her face. She was getting back to HER. She really had no idea of how many more things she was going to have to let go, she was going to face. She was aware it was all just beginning, but she was not angry anymore. She knew that whatever came, with her, God, her family, friends and yeah, crazy neighbors she would be ok. Life, and she, would move forward to bigger and better things.
posted by Enigma | 12:58 PM
<< Home