Grateful/ Coming to an End - ode to me and 2006

Yeah, I am glad that this period of being upset at folks is coming to an end. It was a long time coming. Yea!!

I keep being me. I keep laughing and smiling, helping who I can and being myself. Yeah, I still cuss time to time, I like my hip-hop, gospel, r&b. I still ain't perfect. I still got some (mucho!) booty to lose HAH! And you know what, it is ok. I still don't talk to that old friend regularly, and that is ok. I am not trying to fix all of that anymore. Every day I am working on loving me more, forgiving me and others, not trying to make others accept me, saying F you to folks when they won't accept how I feel or how I view the world. I am still working on my relationship with God, my folks, my fam. I am still moving forward, moving on. I am still living in my beautiful lil' house, in my dirty but good working lil' car. I am still here. I am still here. I am still here.

My regrets are becoming fewer, and I explain myself less to myself and to others. Deal. I am respecting my heart and listening to my brain as it rambles around. I am moving my body again, and it DOES feel so very good. I am remembering to take my time with myself and pamper myself... somewhat. I am beginning to learn how to face my fears, and my pain, my hopes, and my dreams. I still dream. I still like new music, love all kinds of music and love grooving to it and it is still wonderful to hear it played on the radio, from a cd and live and to share it with others. I still love to write, to sing to .... be an artists which is what I will always be. I still love words, and enjoy a good book. I love smiling... still. I am still silly I am still more willing to laugh than to fight. I still avoid pain at times, and I still hate to be wrong, I still have my friends backs when life is kickin' their ass and I am still there to celebrate with them when it is all good. I am still here. I am still here. I am still here.

I still am fashionable, big girl or no. I still can rock it and put you on your toes bruh and yeah girl.. I see you jocking my stylo and staring at me. You are damn right I am still beautiful. yeah I said STILL.

For the first time I can say that I am glad that I am still me. I did not change enough to fit. I like being who I am. I am STILL HERE. Living and breathing, enjoying and crying, fighting and sometimes giving up, accepting and holding my ground stubbornly, I am still here. I like the me that I am. If you do not like it, you know what you need to do. Get busy then lil' heffa, I gotta go. LOL.

This year was a year of letting go, of accepting that I am enough, that as I am I am lovable, loving, giving and all that other stuff that I am. I do not need to be fixed. I needed to learn that, remember who and what I am, who I have been and where I really want to go. It does not matter if I lose weight, it does not matter if I finish a degree, it does not matter if you are my friend of not, as long as I have God and me, I am enough and I will be fine. Just fine. I am still here.

2007 begins a time of bringing things together. Moving on forward ya'll. I am so glad that in the midst of it all God knew and he knows what he is doing. Despite what other folks tried to tell me - their last shots made. I am enough. If you don't like that, kick bricks. I wish you well, cause I am doing just fine.

Holla back, get the heck out, bye for now all you dumb bunnies!

Kita