Forgive and Release

I sat over my mom's house this weekend and I let out all of what has been going on this year. My mom spelled my solution out, "You are so busy looking at what you do not have you, who is not around, who you no longer have a real relationship with that you cannot see all the good in your life. Relationships change, situations change, friends change and you are hurt about it. Forgive your friends, they have meant no harm - sometimes folks simply do not understand how much harm they do to you because they do not understand that you prosecute yourself to the point of flaying off your own skin sometimes. Forgive yourself for putting up with crap for so long. Forgive yourself for not taking better care of yourself and for forgetting that peace at any cost ain't really peace. Forgive her, she really meant no harm and simply did not know when to stop trying to correct you. I raised you, I know you, you just get a lil' lost sometimes. Understand you have doen this to others at times to. Forgive any of your other friends, release painful friendships, memories and more importantly -- move on. Either they will grow, change or die. You are grieving for what was, and that is why it hurts. Either it will grow. Change or Die. Release. It is time for you to get focused on the great things, the healthy, the new things. Forgive baby girl and release. Go where You need to go, focus on that"

My mommy loves me! I took what she said to heart and start letting it go. It is interesting to me the comments that were made ( I sent it out over my e-mail to all of my folks). Hmmm. Sweet, Introspective (from a few folks!), Interesting. OK. Good. For me that is it. Moving on.

But I will share!! Perhaps it will help somebody else who is looking at years of stuff from someone and they need to move on. I pray that you forgive, release and move on:

Hi All-
I usually do this each year for my own benefit, but this time I was prompted to share. This is my forgive and release list. I will share my list of hope and love soon. I tell ya, this is why I can keep smiling coming into the new year a lot of times. I am coming to the end of my year of releasing. Yep, I had to release friends, people, situations and control. Still working on that control thing, but hey LOL!! Joy is my friend, and it keeps me plugged in to God. At least I can admit that I got work to do. I know some folks need to do this, or do it in their own way, but I figured this year I would share, it might help somebody who is struggling to do the same. If it has been me who hurt you or harmed you in this way, take a moment and let it go - release it, forgive whatever I have done and move on. I humbly ask your forgiveness and apologize. Anywho, here goes:

I forgive myself and others for not being a good friend, sometimes at the worst times. For being a know it all when I knew nothing, I forgive myself and others.

I forgive myself and others for not understanding that sometimes a friend needs you to listen; sometimes it is best to keep your judgments to yourself until you are 80% sure you know enough of the story.

I forgive myself and others for not offering the kind of support that is/was needed.

I forgive myself and others for needing to walk away at times offering no explanation and leaving hurt feelings.

I forgive myself and others for playing super being roles. Every body needs some help sometimes and there is no shame in that. Get over yourself! We are suppose to be interconnected for this purpose, to help each other.

I forgive myself and others for forgetting to forgive, and holding on to issues and pains of the past like they are your best friends ever!! Most of that crap is holding us back from our future. It has held me back. I am forgiving as I go through life and letting it go.

I forgive myself for gaining weight and moments of depression. Sometimes you must go through darkness to get to the light. I pray that more people are patient with themselves and get to the bottom of what their issues are, that they accept them and move forward. My insecurities, my pain, they are mine and not easily dismissed. I take care with what I say and share with others because of how what I have shared over the years has been marginalized. It matters to me, it was my experience. I can move on from it, but do not tell me how to feel about it or to move on, get over it. I walked through that darkness with only God beside me. You could not go with me, and I am glad you could not. Do not confuse determination to move on for forgetting the experience. It does change a person. Respect them for having the courage to move on anyway. I am a work in progress, excuse me if it gets messy at times. I understand and forgive you if you need to go your own way for a while. Don't forget to do this (forgive when you are going through) for others.

I forgive myself and want all others to forgive themselves for not always doing what is best for their lives. We all want to be healthy, living fully and free. It is a process to get there to that point that it comes naturally to you to do that without hesitation or resistance. Know that God is doing a mighty work. Mighty works take time, do not let anyone confuse you or try to make you think that if you have not done so overnight you are not "right" with God. If they do, smile and suggest that you both have a Bible study on the book of Job. LOL.

I release myself from perfecting expectations of myself and the ones that others try to impose. I am not a perfect person. I get angry, I get hurt, I ignore what is obviously in my face, I sometimes avoid pain. I am imperfect. I am not a perfect friend. I try to be there. That is all that I can do.

I release myself from past pains of family, friends, associate and strangers. Yes, things did happen that cannot be changed, nor can it be rectified. I cannot go back and replace the years, the pain that came with being ignored, treated as a commodity, not being respected for my own point of view. I cannot battle the world, nor can I get the world to always understand me, but I can appreciate and love myself and remember those feelings so that I will not visit them upon others. I forgive because it is how I want God to forgive me, I release because in holding on to it I keep myself held down.

I release the need and want for vengeance, grudges that should die, callusness that was not meant, judgments from others that did not mean harm but caused harm by myself and others, thoughts and irrational ideas about my person, life or others. If someone does not understand you, can't get you, won't try, it is their loss. Pray for them, wish them well, the very best, move forward knowing that you have been true to self. You must be true to you.

I release the need to be approved by anyone else but God. Enough said. I am not trying to, attempting to, please anyone anymore. Accept me as I am, or accept nothing at all. I am a work in progress. I accept the work you and God do in/on yourself in ways I can see, accept the work I am doing on myself and what God is doing in/on me. I forgive all those who tried to "fix" me. I am doing well, I am doing fine. Life is not perfect, but I am ok and I am getting better every day. Thank you for your support during that time when I was desperate for acceptance. It is a new day. Acknowledge and accept that. Sure I need support, sure I need the truth but try to flavor that with a bit of compassion & be ready to have a listening ear. I will do my best to have one for you.

I release myself and all others from debts of all kinds. I am released and free of financial, emotional (guilt, regret) and all other kinds of debts. Shame from the past I release. Not being able to do when I wanted to I release. Past dissapointments, I release. Feeling like what I had to offer and what I had to give was not enough, I release.


I tell you, this is so wonderful to do. You look around and you get so caught up, you hold on, you do these things to protect yourself from future pains and hurts. You do not live your life fully holding on to this crap. I know I can't. I gotta be doing what I gotta be doing, and honestly this year was about release. Next year is about gathering the good to me and letting go what needs to move on which includes restrictions, friends, new associates/ relationships, opportunities. It includes respecting and loving myself, creating new and needed boundaries and routines for my life, God, family, friends, hope, guidance and attending church. I guess I need to take those new member classes now. Hah! LOL. It means a lot more changes for me. It includes a lot of GREAT things. Life moves forwards and moves on and so do I. I am learning to.

You all are very special to me, and I love you all. I remember that God still loves you at all times - and you know you've done wrong with Him, so who am I to love you any less?

Smooches!
Kita